been a long hard summer

I'm not blogging here much right now ... its been a rough summer ... rough year I guess ... feel free to visit me at:

www.asijourneythroughloss.blogspot.com

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

Words I Can Relate To Today

For it was not into my ear you whispered but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed but my soul.
~Judy Garland



No one sees the broken heart
That lies beneath my smile
No one sees the loneliness
Thats with me all the while
Silent tears gently fall
That others do not see
For my precious child
Who meant the world to me.
~Author Unknown



My blood, my breath – all you ever needed
My heart, filled with a mother’s love
the moment I knew
My arms, never to hold you close
My eyes, never to behold you face
My ears, never to hear you cry
My soul– the only connection to you
I have left.

By Christine Grabow,
Mom to Jordan Grabow,
Miscarried April 29, 2002



There is a sacredness in tears
They are not the mark of weakness, but of power
They speak more eloquently than 10,000 tongues.
They are the messengers of overwhelming grief
Of deep contrition and unspeakable love.
~Washington Irving



For those few weeks-- I had you to myself.
And that seems too short a time to be changed so profoundly.
In those few weeks-- I came to know you. . . and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life. Oh, what a life I had planned for you!
Just those few weeks—
When I lost you. I lost a lifetime of hopes, plans, dreams and aspirations. . .
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
Just those few weeks-- It wasn't enough to convince others how special and
important you were. How odd, a truly unique person has recently died and
no one is mourning the passing.
Just a mere few weeks—
And no "normal" person would cry all night over a tiny, unfinished baby,
or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I?
You were those few weeks my little one you darted in and out of my life too
quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed to make my life so much richer
and give me a small glimpse of eternity.
~By Susan Erling



Please
by Amy Cady 3/99 for Hope 1/10/99


Please do not ask if I am better now -
Know that I am not.

Please do not simply ask, "How are you?"
I am grieving. My child is dead.

Please do not ask my husband, "How is your wife?"
Comfort HIM.

Please do not say, "Has it already been three months?"
It feels like three years to me.

Please do not make less of my baby's life by saying, "You'll have more."
She was the one I wanted.

Please do not tell me, "Time will heal."
Time is a four-letter word.

Please do not say, "God knows best."
I am angry with God.

Please do not say, "She is in Heaven."
I want her here.

Please do not tell me how great your life is -
I am living a nightmare.

Please do not tell me about someone else's healthy new baby -
It's like a knife through my flat, empty belly.

Please do not say, "You look as if you were never pregnant!"
I WANT to look pregnant. I want to BE pregnant.

Please do not keep silent and not mention her name -
She was real - do you not think so?

Please do not ask, "What do you need?"
I need my baby.

Please do not say, "If there is anything I can do..."
Please just do it. I can't ask.

Please do not ask if I am better now -
You know that I am not.

Liberty John
Due Date July 1st 2005
Angel Date Nov 15 2004


Elijah Lee
Due Date March 27 2008
Angel Date Sept 7 2007


Eden Sky
Due Date April 2011
Angel Date Aug 2010


Journey Peace
Due Date Nov 29 2011
Angel Date May 2011

Losing A Baby: The 10 Worst Things to Say to a Grieving Person

In my own grieving and searching today I came across this beautiful blog

I want to thank Danielle for her bravery in her blog ... so many people just don't know what it is like to loose a baby or a pregnancy ... so many say things with out realizing the hurt they cause.

Losing A Baby: The 10 Worst Things to Say to a Grieving Person: "I came across this  article this morning and thought I would share. The Ten Worst Things to Say to a Grieving Person 1. I know how you f..."

Unspoken Grief

What a beautiful and brave momma I have met in Devan, a new online friend and blogging mommy. She birthed in her sweet heart, the idea of a community of support for anyone touched (directly or indirectly) by miscarriage, stillbirth & neonatal loss. Certainly, as mommas surviving misscariages we can understand the need for such a community. But I love that she includes spouses, grandparetns and friends in this community. So often loved ones are at a loss as to what they should say, and in that confusion they can often say unhelpful things. I plan to pass along her new online community to as many sources as I can. Not just to friends and family, but to doctors, nurses and ERs.




I invite you to join us at the new online community:

Unspoken Grief

Why must they grow up so fast?

Was able to visit over coffee with Jo, a sweet bloggy friend, tonight who has the sweetest teeny tiny bundle of joy! I can remember each of my kiddos as tiny bundles ... those newborn smells and new born noises ... they grow up and learn so much so fast! I know thats not a bad thing ... its how God designed human beings, but every now and then a momma has to sit back and sigh as she remembers those sweet newborn days. My youngest is now 2, but her newborn days are well recoded on her blog

Do you ever wonder about your grandparents or great grandparents and how many of them never even owned a camera ... so never really had any pictures to document their kids growing up. My grandma has one 6 month portrait of my mom, but then almost nothing else till grade-school. Its a different sort of thing for me to imagine... but then my kids tell me I am addicted to my camera. They have to withstand several photo sessions each year and I love to look back over them.



April 2009:


Dec. 2009:


July 2010:


Dec. 2010:


And how is it that my sweet little bundle



is now this wildly active 2 year old



And how could THIS sweet little bundle


be 15 years old already?!?!?

James 1:1-11 - Consider Trials a Joy

Good Morning Girls!

I simply love the idea that Courtney and Angela had to start Good Morning Girls! I love the facebook group that I've joined with other women from all over the country. We keep each other accountable to having our own quiet times and trying to daily read scripture.

From now until March we are also looking at 2 verses in the book of James each day (5 days a week). Its a fantastic way to kick off the new year, by digging deeper into God's Word. Feel free to join us: gmg-winter-session-begins-today

New Year ... New Study

I've found a few online resources to help keep me in the Word this year And I thought I should share them with my friends who are also online:

One Year Bible Blog


Momstoolbox.com

Good Morning Girls

Matthew West - The Motions (With Lyrics)