been a long hard summer

I'm not blogging here much right now ... its been a rough summer ... rough year I guess ... feel free to visit me at:

www.asijourneythroughloss.blogspot.com

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

Words I Can Relate To Today

For it was not into my ear you whispered but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed but my soul.
~Judy Garland



No one sees the broken heart
That lies beneath my smile
No one sees the loneliness
Thats with me all the while
Silent tears gently fall
That others do not see
For my precious child
Who meant the world to me.
~Author Unknown



My blood, my breath – all you ever needed
My heart, filled with a mother’s love
the moment I knew
My arms, never to hold you close
My eyes, never to behold you face
My ears, never to hear you cry
My soul– the only connection to you
I have left.

By Christine Grabow,
Mom to Jordan Grabow,
Miscarried April 29, 2002



There is a sacredness in tears
They are not the mark of weakness, but of power
They speak more eloquently than 10,000 tongues.
They are the messengers of overwhelming grief
Of deep contrition and unspeakable love.
~Washington Irving



For those few weeks-- I had you to myself.
And that seems too short a time to be changed so profoundly.
In those few weeks-- I came to know you. . . and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life. Oh, what a life I had planned for you!
Just those few weeks—
When I lost you. I lost a lifetime of hopes, plans, dreams and aspirations. . .
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
Just those few weeks-- It wasn't enough to convince others how special and
important you were. How odd, a truly unique person has recently died and
no one is mourning the passing.
Just a mere few weeks—
And no "normal" person would cry all night over a tiny, unfinished baby,
or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I?
You were those few weeks my little one you darted in and out of my life too
quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed to make my life so much richer
and give me a small glimpse of eternity.
~By Susan Erling



Please
by Amy Cady 3/99 for Hope 1/10/99


Please do not ask if I am better now -
Know that I am not.

Please do not simply ask, "How are you?"
I am grieving. My child is dead.

Please do not ask my husband, "How is your wife?"
Comfort HIM.

Please do not say, "Has it already been three months?"
It feels like three years to me.

Please do not make less of my baby's life by saying, "You'll have more."
She was the one I wanted.

Please do not tell me, "Time will heal."
Time is a four-letter word.

Please do not say, "God knows best."
I am angry with God.

Please do not say, "She is in Heaven."
I want her here.

Please do not tell me how great your life is -
I am living a nightmare.

Please do not tell me about someone else's healthy new baby -
It's like a knife through my flat, empty belly.

Please do not say, "You look as if you were never pregnant!"
I WANT to look pregnant. I want to BE pregnant.

Please do not keep silent and not mention her name -
She was real - do you not think so?

Please do not ask, "What do you need?"
I need my baby.

Please do not say, "If there is anything I can do..."
Please just do it. I can't ask.

Please do not ask if I am better now -
You know that I am not.

Liberty John
Due Date July 1st 2005
Angel Date Nov 15 2004


Elijah Lee
Due Date March 27 2008
Angel Date Sept 7 2007


Eden Sky
Due Date April 2011
Angel Date Aug 2010


Journey Peace
Due Date Nov 29 2011
Angel Date May 2011

Losing A Baby: The 10 Worst Things to Say to a Grieving Person

In my own grieving and searching today I came across this beautiful blog

I want to thank Danielle for her bravery in her blog ... so many people just don't know what it is like to loose a baby or a pregnancy ... so many say things with out realizing the hurt they cause.

Losing A Baby: The 10 Worst Things to Say to a Grieving Person: "I came across this  article this morning and thought I would share. The Ten Worst Things to Say to a Grieving Person 1. I know how you f..."

Unspoken Grief

What a beautiful and brave momma I have met in Devan, a new online friend and blogging mommy. She birthed in her sweet heart, the idea of a community of support for anyone touched (directly or indirectly) by miscarriage, stillbirth & neonatal loss. Certainly, as mommas surviving misscariages we can understand the need for such a community. But I love that she includes spouses, grandparetns and friends in this community. So often loved ones are at a loss as to what they should say, and in that confusion they can often say unhelpful things. I plan to pass along her new online community to as many sources as I can. Not just to friends and family, but to doctors, nurses and ERs.




I invite you to join us at the new online community:

Unspoken Grief

Why must they grow up so fast?

Was able to visit over coffee with Jo, a sweet bloggy friend, tonight who has the sweetest teeny tiny bundle of joy! I can remember each of my kiddos as tiny bundles ... those newborn smells and new born noises ... they grow up and learn so much so fast! I know thats not a bad thing ... its how God designed human beings, but every now and then a momma has to sit back and sigh as she remembers those sweet newborn days. My youngest is now 2, but her newborn days are well recoded on her blog

Do you ever wonder about your grandparents or great grandparents and how many of them never even owned a camera ... so never really had any pictures to document their kids growing up. My grandma has one 6 month portrait of my mom, but then almost nothing else till grade-school. Its a different sort of thing for me to imagine... but then my kids tell me I am addicted to my camera. They have to withstand several photo sessions each year and I love to look back over them.



April 2009:


Dec. 2009:


July 2010:


Dec. 2010:


And how is it that my sweet little bundle



is now this wildly active 2 year old



And how could THIS sweet little bundle


be 15 years old already?!?!?

James 1:1-11 - Consider Trials a Joy

Good Morning Girls!

I simply love the idea that Courtney and Angela had to start Good Morning Girls! I love the facebook group that I've joined with other women from all over the country. We keep each other accountable to having our own quiet times and trying to daily read scripture.

From now until March we are also looking at 2 verses in the book of James each day (5 days a week). Its a fantastic way to kick off the new year, by digging deeper into God's Word. Feel free to join us: gmg-winter-session-begins-today

New Year ... New Study

I've found a few online resources to help keep me in the Word this year And I thought I should share them with my friends who are also online:

One Year Bible Blog


Momstoolbox.com

Good Morning Girls

Matthew West - The Motions (With Lyrics)

my absence

Well, between another miscarriage(back in Aug) and getting kids settled back to school(in Sept) and all the chaos of keeping up with this wonderful family (everyday) I've been lacking in keeping up with online stuff ... my apologies... but then not really cause this crazy chaotic beautiful family is my primary job :-)


I have managed to continue snapping pictures as we go. I've been posting those over at memoriesfortoday.blogspot.com Please visit us over there. And I am planning to begin participating in the new Bloom Book Club book study over at thebloombookclub.blogspot.com. I hope you will join us there too!

Real Moments to Remember

I have been blessed and inspired by reading Jeanette's blog, A Moment with M.O.M. At times she posts about real moments in their home

We are truly blessed as moms to see these real moments in life, our lives, our children's lives and the lives of those around us. So I'm trying to also begin capturing some of those every day moments that make my life so special and unique. I want to rejoice in my everyday moments ... they may not be spectacular or earthshattering events ... but they are the memories my children will carry with them into adulthood.

So, this morning after dropping our eldest daughter at the stable where she works, I stopped at the grocery store with a very short list of a few things we needed. My youngest wanted to come along, but did not want to change out of her princess nightgown. I decided that did not matter, she could shop in her nightgown. She spotted the "baby carts" right away. In her limited vocabulary she uses the term "baby" to mean any thing small or little. Usually I don't have the luxury of allowing her to push one of those. Usually I have more children with me, and a much longer list ... but today it was just this sweet little princess and me and our list was short, so away we went ... and before we finished I just had to snap a picture of her with my phone:



I'm learning to cherish and rejoice in these moments ... It was just a trip to the grocery store for 10 items, but for my youngest it was a huge moment, as SHE pushed the cart and SHE helped place the items into the cart. She told her siblings, her daddy and her grandpa about it over and over later that day. I'm glad I had a phone that could take a picture and capture the memory. But even more importantly I'm glad I didn't rush through my morning to do list. It would have been easy to say no to the "baby cart" and we probably would have finished our trip in half the time, but we would have missed this memory.

Completing Him Challenge - Week 4

This weeks Marriage challenge is:
Admire Your Husband

If you are a blogger write a post all about your husband and what you admire in him and then show it to him! He will smile! If you are not a blogger, list the things you admire about your husband in the comment section and show it to him! You may THINK he already knows the things you admire about him - but I'm afraid we don't tell our husbands often enough how much we do. So here's your chance to selflessly gush about your man! And don't forget to link up over at The Women Living Well Blog




Here is what I admire about the man I love:

- Allen has such a gentle calming presence. His voice, his touch ... no matter what the circumstance he can put me at easy.

- He reassures me and our kids often of his love and delight for us. We know he loves us, but it is so so nice to hear it regularly.

- Gotta say I those muscles ... and not just because they are so attractive. He can carry my over packed suitcase with easy. He can open any jar or container I hand him. He can lift a four year old in one arm and two year old in the other and still master several flights of stairs!

- He is such a hard worker and cares very much about doing a good job at whatever he is working on. He is a wonderful leader and provider for our family.

- He has the amazing ability to fix things! I've only called a plumber once in our 17 years of marriage. Stoves, washmachines, toilets, electrical wiring, cars, trucks and old lawn mowers ... he understands it all.

- He cares very much about treating others with kindness and respect. And I adore that he is teaching that to our kids.

- He cares deeply for our extended families and goes to great lengths to make sure we spend time with them. Family is very important to him and close to his heart.

- He is an amazing listener ... I knew this long before I married him, even before I dated him. He is a great friend, cares greatly about what his friends think and feel.

- He has the most amazing eyes!!! And when he smiles there have always been these tiny lines in the corner of his eyes ... not sure how to explain it except that I am so drawn to those eyes! And two of our boys have almost exactly the same eyes.

- He has studied me and knows me like no one else. He sees my feelings, he cares and he listens. He has always let me be just me. I am completely comfortable to be just me with him. He knows when I need encouragement, and when I need silence. He knows when I need his tender embrace but also knows when I need my own space.

- He makes me feel safe, protected and cared for.

VBS = FUN

This digital slideshow made with Smilebox

Calling all busy moms with hungry kids!!!

Updates and Apologies
So, sorry for the delay, but need to push my little contest back a week ... last week we were crazy busy with VBS at our church, then friends here from out of town, and 4th of July preparations then celebrations and just for fun, mid week my 11 year old needed a quick trip to the ER for stitches ... life is never boring here. But with all that going on I did not get much of a chance to blog, so I will try to do better this week and will pick a winner on Sunday July 11th.

original post
Do you know what you are making for dinner tonight? Do you know if you have the right ingredients on hand? I have more often than not found myself at 6pm looking in our pantry, in our fridge and in our freezer trying to figure out what I can quickly make. Poor planning, I know. We are a busy family ... meal planning (along with laundry folding) has long been a short coming of mine. But the kids do get hungry ... every night ... and I find my self wishing I had planned better, so instead of a last minute meal scramble we could sit down and enjoy an evening meal together.

But the good news???
I think I have found a solution to my meal planning problems:

Dine Without Whine


Are You Ready To Make Family Meal Time A Priority?

The best way to make family meals a reality is to begin menu planning. You can look through recipes, decide what to make, and create a grocery shopping list with the ingredients you need. An average home manager spends about 1 1/2 hours a week on this task.

Don't Panic! I know what you're probably thinking. "Menu planning sounds awfully important, but I don't have an extra hour and a half each week to devote to this!" That is okay... I have found the menu planning experts! Let them plan your menu for you each week. Their weekly menus feature:

Main Dish Recipes For Dinner Every Night Of The Week

Suggestions & Recipes For Side Dishes

Brunch Ideas For Saturday & Sunday

Two Dessert Recipes To Be Used Anytime During the Week

Access to the Members Only Bonus Area - featuring e-books & tools you are going to LOVE

PLUS:

Each menu will include a grocery list (categorized by aisle) that includes all the necessary ingredients to prepare the recipes in the weekly menu plan. All you have to do is cross off any items you may already have on hand - add breakfast, snack or lunch items you may need and you're ready to shop.

What a blessing to know that a fellow blogging mama has decided to use her talent for organization and nutritious foods to help those of us who struggle with meal planning. Christine aka The Menu Mom has created fantastic menues and corresponding shopping lists!!! I printed my very first menu and shopping list this weekend! And am hoping to share over this week with all of you how much I am enjoying using Dine Without Whine. Maybe even share some pictures of the yummy meals we make and I'm hoping a picture of my family sitting down to dinner together!!!

Christine has several membership options listed on her site, something to fit everyone's needs. But for one of my lucky bloggy friends Christine has a free membership waiting. If you would like a chance to win a Dine Without Whine membership please visit her sample menu and then leave a comment here to let me know which one of her recipies you are most excited to try. If you have any menu planning tips you would like to share with me, please feel free to leave those too. On Saturday evening I'll use www.random.org to draw a winner from all those who leave comments on this post.

Happy Monday Everyone!

Completing Him Challenge - Week 2

I love the idea that Courtney came up with for this summer. Please join us over at The Women Living Well Blog to share in this challenge with us.
This weeks challenge is simply to Remember. Remember the day you entered your sacred vows. If you are a blogger, please post pictures from that day and share your story. Then link up over at Women Living Well


Hard to believe its been 17 years! Did we really ever look that young? Our kids laugh when they see our wedding pictures. We were just talking last night about what if someone would have told us when we got married that 17 years from now you will have been pregnant 7 times and have 5 children, or that you will homeschool your children, or any number of other things ... our life is so different than what we imagined and we are ever so grateful that God is in control!!! I'm so blessed to know and love this man! so proud to be his wife! And as much as I enjoy thinking about our future together, I can't help but wonder how different it will really turn out from we are imagining today.

Completing Him Challenge - Week 1

It's Week #1 of the Completing Him Challenge, hosted by Courtney over at Women Living Well.

Proverbs 5:18b&19 tells husbands "May you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer - may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love."

The challenge this week is to remember those dating days ... those days of courtship before you were man and wife, back when he first captivated your heart and you captivated his. Share pictures or stories from your dating days. So here are a few of our dating memories:


As you can see (by the prom attire) we were indeed highschool sweethearts. Its hard for me to believe that this picture was taken over 20 years ago. There are a lot more photos from those days ... but I just have to find time to scan them in. We have 5 kids now, so time is something I'm a bit short on.




This picture was taken at his graduation party. He graduated 2 years before me ... this was such a bittersweet day for me. Happy and proud for him, yet I knew it meant having to say goodbye soon as he was joining the NAVY. Long distance relationships are tough, but God knew what He was doing. We grew closer through letters and occasional phone calls. Those were most certainly not easy years, my heart ached for him every day. I remember wondering if something that hard was really "worth it" ... was it worth the loneliness till we could be together again? We were engaged just after I graduated and married the following summer. If I could go back in time I would tell my then teenage self to hang in there because it is so much more than "worth it". I could not have even imagined the life and blessings that God would bring our way. I still thank my hubby for making me his wife, for waiting through those lonely times till we could be together.

Completing Him Challenge Begins

This summer I am joining in with Courtney from Women Living Well in her Completing Him Challenge. Here's a short video describing the challenge:



I want to be the woman my husband needs. Do you? I know we love our men and sometimes in the mundane routine of life we forget to nurture and care for them.

Would you like to join me? Click here to visit Courtny's blog

Growing up ...

Each year at our church we hold a senior banquet to celebrate our graduating seniors, at that event we also recognize and welcome the incoming freshman to the Senior High youth group. So, how did my first child become one of those incoming freshman? Not sure how I feel about that ... especially since in my mind she should look about like her little sister did that night.

I wrote more about it and my thoughts HERE

A friend of mine, designing blogs

Just thought I would pass along kudos for a sweet friend of mine



If you want a blog makeover or just some extra sparkle to your page, she is the one you call.